Dating in Thailand as a Foreigner (Farang): A Guide for Men

Let’s be honest—dating in Thailand as a foreigner (farang) is easy. Many claim they come for the food, the low prices, or the beaches; it’s nearly a meme by now. But deep down, we all know the truth: the real reason so many Western men come here is, of course, for the girls.

It would be a lie if we said it’s all sunshine and rainbows, though. It’s easy in one sense, and yet difficult in another. Thai women are not identical, and the dating experience often depends on where a woman falls on the Thai–Western spectrum—from the ultra-traditional girl who might consider you her boyfriend after one date, to the Westernized girl who calls you “bro” and insists on splitting the bill.

Each date you have will fall on a different place on the spectrum, and the longer you date her, the more she becomes Westernized. As much as we hate stereotypes, we made up this paradigm to help you better understand how Thai culture and Western expectations collide in the dating scene, and to make sense of many behaviors you’re likely to see.

In this article, we’ll cover some common realities, situations, and conflicts while dating in Thailand as a foreigner so that you know what to expect.

The Thai–Western Spectrum

Let’s start by breaking down the Thai–Western spectrum. The way it works is this: the further toward “Thai” your date is, the more you’re going to have to adjust your Western expectations. The more Westernized she is, the closer she is to being like a girl from back home.

Traditional Thai Women (The Left Side)

Again, we don’t like stereotypes. But we can’t help ourselves. If we were to describe the quintessential traditional Thai girl, we might say the following about her:

• She’s modest and shy.
• She may not ask a lot of questions about your personal life (likely doesn’t want to seem rude).
• Family is her top priority.
• She still lives with her parents.
• She may even have a curfew, despite being a full-grown adult.

For her, relationships move fast, and you’re not going to be spending hours “getting to know each other.” In fact, she might not even care what you do for a living, or at least it may seem that way. You’re foreign, you’re interesting, and in her mind, that’s enough.

Don’t be shocked if she acts like your girlfriend after a couple of dates, or (my favorite) asks you to go on vacation. She’s probably not dating three other guys at the same time, as Western girls sometimes do. She likes you, and that’s generally enough. She doesn’t need to play a lot of games.

Westernized Thai Women (The Right Side)

The Westernized Thai girl, on the other hand, is much closer to what you’re used to back home:

• She seems more confident and “well-educated.”
• She knows how to flirt in a teasing sort of way.
• Since she’s likely dated a few other farang before you, she may not treat you as well as a traditional girl might.
• She likely lives in a big city like Bangkok or Chiang Mai.
• She has probably studied or lived abroad in a Western country.
• She may date around before deciding she’s your girlfriend.

With these girls, you’ll still have a better chance to date them than girls back home because there aren’t that many farang in Thailand (assuming that is what she is after).

These girls often have vague plans to go live in Germany or the UK, or at any rate, do not want to stay in Thailand. (This isn’t always the case, but it is a lot of the time.)

Fortunately, Westernized Thai girls will almost never be as entitled as some girls born in the West can be, but she may come close (this is especially true if she was “educated” abroad)!

These girls also tend to speak great English, which is a huge plus for many guys. But no matter where each girl is on the spectrum, there will always be pros and cons, and each guy has their own preferences. Personally, I think the sweet spot is somewhere in the middle.

Core Dating Experiences

Does She Care About My Life?

Dating a more traditional Thai woman can be confusing for a farang who is used to dates consisting of all kinds of philosophical and personal questions. As we’ve alluded to already, she probably won’t ask you about your hopes, dreams, and childhood on date one or two.

She might not ask much at all. Even after months of dating. You may feel like you’re talking to yourself half the time. But don’t worry, she’s not uninterested—it’s just that asking too many questions can feel invasive to her.

Fast-Tracked Relationships

While dating in Thailand, you will most likely get rushed into a relationship at some point. Sometimes after the second or third date. She may decide on her own that you’re her boyfriend, even if you didn’t get the memo. This can be charming or scary, depending on how you feel about her.

Handling Conflict

In any relationship, fights are bound to happen. Dating in Thailand can be especially frustrating for foreigners because of the differences in communication styles. As a Western man, you might like to talk it out, fix things, and make sure everyone’s on the same page.

In Thai culture, this doesn’t happen so much. After a fight, your Thai girlfriend might prefer to let things cool off naturally. This can be maddening to Western guys, as they’re not used to dealing with lingering problems. They usually don’t want to carry it around with them.

But Thai culture is all about sitting with feelings and letting them go. In this sense, they are far more patient.

Dating Advantages and Challenges as a Foreigner (Farang)

Farang Privilege

Obviously, being a foreign man (farang) seems to give you a boost in the dating game, though it is often somewhat exaggerated. Being a foreigner simply adds to your appeal. Many Thai women see foreign men as kind, hard working, and more independent compared to local men. (Their words, not mine.)

Even if you’re not rich or especially attractive, you still might find local women interested in you. Some women may assume you’re well-off or educated, whether or not it’s actually true.

Transactional Feelings

Upon coming to Thailand, especially in the bigger cities, you’ll see a lot of older Western men with younger Thai women, and it can appear a little transactional. Older foreigners will admit this, too, at times.

If you’re twice her age, there’s a good chance that financial security is a big reason for why she’s interested. But that doesn’t mean it’s the only one.

Many older foreign men say that what they like about Thailand is how dating women doesn’t feel transactional, so as you can see, it can go both ways.

Money and Family Obligations

Supporting Her Family

If you’re planning on getting married to an ultra-traditional Thai girl, you may become familiar with sin sod. People say it’s not exactly a “dowry,” but it comes close enough. It’s simply an old Thai tradition where you pay her family as a way of showing respect. But depending on how traditional she is, you might also be expected to help support her family beyond it.

I’ve had married foreign friends complain to me that they have to send money to their wife’s family, but if they are very traditional, that’s just part of that deal, especially if you’re way better off than they are.

That being said, there are many cases where men get taken advantage of, so you’ll need to be careful and set reasonable limits. As a Western man, it’s hard not to feel manipulated in these situations.

Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

If you’re dating a traditional Thai woman, holding hands or kissing in public is usually a no-go. Even if she’s in the middle of the Thai–Western spectrum, she will still feel uncomfortable in most cases.

If you’re in a rural area, then this will likely be even more embarrassing for the girl, so it’s better to restrain yourself. Don’t take it personally if she won’t hold your hand on the street.

Cities are a Different Story

Westernized Thai women, on the other hand, especially in big cities like Bangkok, are probably not going to care about any of that. They seem to be far more irreverent and comfortable with PDA, even kissing.

Don’t go overboard, though, as you still need to show respect for the society around you, but with them you’ll feel more freedom to act like yourself on dates. This doesn’t mean that other people won’t stare, though.

The Lack of Feminism in Thailand: A Pro or a Con?

Less Feminism, More Femininity

You often hear foreigners praise Thai women for being, well, women. If you’re dating a more traditional girl, this will surely be the case. You’re not going to get lectured about mansplaining or the patriarchy. Gender roles are still pretty traditional here, and many Thai women embrace it.

As a result, there will be far less arguing when it comes to who does what in the relationship. In fact, there probably won’t even need to be a conversation at all. It’s a refreshing change for many Western men who are tired of being told they’re part of the problem.

The Downside of Traditional Gender Roles

This one often catches guys off guard, but with traditional gender roles, you actually have to plan everything, make all the decisions, and of course, pay for dates.

Many people complain about feminism, but then don’t want to lead. It’s something to keep in mind, and each man will have to make his own decision. There are certainly pros and cons to each side.

The Bottom Line

Dating in Thailand as a foreigner can be, in a sense, easy. It’s a simple economics equation. There are less of us than there are of them. And when Thai girls visit Western countries, it’s the same dynamic. So though it can be “easy” for us in one sense, there are many new challenges and problems to deal with, especially considering communication styles, family obligations, and the stark difference in culture and attitude. So while it may be easy to get dates, it is not easy to maintain a relationship; like all worthwhile things, it will take effort.

FAQs about Dating in Thailand as a Foreigner (Farang)

1. Why is dating easier for Western men in Thailand compared to back home?

They should give whoever figures it out a Nobel Prize because frankly, I still don’t know. There are lots of theories about it, but being foreign while at the same time being familiar tends to boost your appeal. Foreigners, especially from the West, have had a good reputation in the past, and are often seen as higher status.

One thing to remember is that most Thai girls like Thai guys. It’s not as if you will walk around and be some kind of celebrity. (I’ve heard that it might be kind of like that in the Philippines, though.) It may just come down to simple economics, as we said before: there are far fewer of us, and since we are somewhat in demand, it seems like it’s easier.

2. Do Thai women expect farang men to support them financially?

The answer will always depend on the nature of your relationship. If it’s just a normal girl meets boy relationship, then I would say no. You can pay for dates and whatever else you’d like, but if you send her a monthly allowance then you are either way older than her or are in a transactional situation bordering on prostitution (no offense). 

However, if you are married, as we said before, you will likely have to help both her out and her family. But that’s a whole other ball game.

3. How quickly do relationships progress with Thai women?

If they are traditional, it can be too fast. Within a date or two. I’m not trying to generalize here, as everyone is different, but it’s very common to have a girl try to become your girlfriend quickly, and she will often say so herself. One of my closest friends here had his date (now wife) move in with him after only a few days of knowing each other. Living in Thailand, you hear this kind of thing often.

4. How does feminism in Thailand compare to the West?

Thailand does have its own feminist movement, but it’s significantly less confrontational than in the West. In fact, during my time here, I have never once heard a traditional Thai girl talk about feminism. The only girls I have ever seen speak about feminism were Westernized Thai girls who had gone to university abroad.

As we mentioned before, many still embrace traditional gender roles, and this can be refreshing if you’ve lived in the West your whole life.